Moments like these, I leave you with a Question…

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A few photos, taken on the day of my first neuro appointment in 2 years….

Letters of Courage, Neuro Visit #1, 2011 - Catherine Herrera, Flor de Miel Fotos

Someone told me recently that it was not a surprise that my normally vocal self can not find the words to write here my experience since I left off last. Behind the disbelief, stands someone saying don’t say what’s going on.

Letters of Courage, Neuro Visit #1, 2011 - Catherine Herrera, Flor de Miel Fotos   2011 1 of 3

Why else would a doctor deny service unless there is something wrong with you?

Letters of Courage, Neuro Visit #1, 2011 - Catherine Herrera, Flor de Miel Fotos

I have been living in this world of utter frustration in every approach to medical help and so, I have learned to keep my distance.

My right ankle is swollen and bruised from going out to the doctors who will not see me, skin rashes have erupted, pains have even started to flare up on my left side with the additional stress.

I have determined I will not let the advances I have made after finally getting to a GP who knows RSD, and who, quickly, after determining through a blood panel that I was otherwise healthy (including good cholesterol, and no Vit. D deficiency), sent me for the RSD evaluation with a neurologist. This week, the second one rejected me as a patient.

I started sneezing again yesterday, after having just beaten back a cold.

I laid in bed with my right leg feeling as if someone had hammered a nail in the middle, painful beyond belief in one spot on my ankle, and thought, this doesn’t make any sense that going to the doctor brings only an upturn in symptom and no relief.

I resolve I will not let that happen anymore, even if it means not going back.

I want to thank many people for encouraging me to hold on tight. After two years of being told all the reasons why I shouldn’t want to talk about RSD, I finally feel the courage to reach out to other people with RSD. The first time since October 2008. I wish I had reached out sooner.

I’ll write more about these heroes soon.  I want to provide hope from this place of courage, I just need to get myself back up. I can’t write too much today with this arm.

This week, I had a dream that I was walking.

I was walking down a path, lit, as was I, in a warm yellow glow from the bright sun. I stood watching myself, and marveled that I was walking without my cane. There were many people around, and I felt they too were happy, and as surprised as I, that I was walking again.

I do not know where this sunny path is, but I know I am headed there.

…for now, I leave you with the question I wrote to myself yesterday…..

‘When I walk again, how do I want to walk in this world?’

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One thought on “Moments like these, I leave you with a Question…

    Brighter Days « Letters of Courage said:
    June 27, 2011 at 11:28 pm

    […] Moments like these, I leave you with a Question… » […]

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