I am working to gather all the Letters of Courage posts into one archive. While I do this work, I am listening to the Hay House Radio. I enjoy the positive approach, and particularly, the focus on what we can do ourselves to build hope and happiness regardless of limitations. Right now, since I have been home bound for two weeks, I need distraction from the frustration that rises at times when I am unable to do as much.
When I started the blog in December 2008, it was at the urging of a friend, who had sat me down to face the fact that while the doctors went about the process of confirming the RSD, I was unable to work and my meager savings was gone.
Since the pain in my right arm had traveled so quickly to impact my walking, I had become unable to even get myself around. I was in shock.
It was her quick action that saved our family in that moment. Having to also battle the agency that doubted even the doctor’s letter, without courage to ask for help to survive those months, I would not have had food for my child.
I sat with her suggestion for a while. I hoped I’d get better. The neurologist had told me not to look up CRPS on the internet, she didn’t want me to become afraid, and CRPS could go away as quickly as it came on. The walking problems caused me to panic. My regular doctor kept calling the hospital to get my next neuro appointment sped up.
By December, I had to consider that there was no other option. Without family and friends sending $25 here or there, some who made larger donations, there would have been no food.
While my own doctor worked to get the hospital to see me sooner, I was left to deal with the panic myself. Utter terror had overtaken me when ‘resting up’ was not eliminating the horrific pain in my leg and arm, let alone when trying to walk. I was afraid. I didn’t understand what had happened before, nor what was happening then, nor why the neurologist didn’t think the development urgent enough to see me. I believe anyone who has experienced losing a vital ability understands that terror.
I was introduced by this same friend to a therapy called emotional freedom therapy. EFT makes use of the same pressure points in acupuncture, adding a tapping that had proved helpful to reduce fear, anxiety and stress. The therapy gave some immediate relief, and has become a very useful tool today to build internal strength.
Yet, it was not enough to stop the symptoms and pain, and nothing was helping me walk.
I took to writing to save myself. What had been started as a necessity to be courageous and share my experience in a letter to friends, now became a way to be courageous more often in writing the blog.
While the doctor’s confirmation process dragged on into the years, writing became more about connecting with other people with similar experiences as I understood what they were going through.
I eventually learned that there were other people sharing their stories, many with worse symptoms, but all with the same type of experience.
I found courage again when at the start of 2011 I wrote that I think the way RSD is treated now leaves a lot to be desired, and started asking why.
I will soon upload the Letter of Courage archive so that people who are at the beginning of the process have access to the writing.
In the meantime, I want to share a new RSD newsletter that I just ran across called the Definitive Link Library for CRPS/RSD.
I am really impressed with the range of articles, but particularly by the author Howard Black. Mr. Black had RSD for 15 years until January 2010, when, for some reason, his symptoms began to diminish and he is now at 90% remission.
Coincidentally, Mr. Black is looking to connect with other RSD patients who have also gone into remission suddenly after having RSD for 5 or more years.
To give back to the community, Mr. Black has started the Definitive Link Library for CRPS/RSD.
Check it out for range of good articles.